


all is violent, all is bright

by circus lights (dividedheart)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drugged Sex, Drugs, M/M, Manipulation, Non-Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dividedheart/pseuds/circus%20lights
Summary: The hallway is flooded with dim evening light and outside the cicadas cry out, their song a mournful, unending hymn. The moment in which they meet is fleeting and bright and he wants it to last forever. Like the slow set of the sun outside, however, it is due to end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Urrr-- I don't even know what to make of this anymore, but I'm posting it. I might make some edits for coherency later on.
> 
> Anyway, this was a request that I got on my [tumblr](http://smallideas.tumblr.com/). Sugawara tops, in case you didn't get that from the summary. 
> 
> As always with my porn, unbeta'd... and as always, unsure if I should repercussions. Probably not. I'm really sorry for this.

Sugawara has been feeling things for a while, now.

Daichi is the single solid, unmoving force in his life, the light of it, even—he is sweet and smiling and so very understanding where others scowl and fuss. With Daichi, with his team—he can be himself. Less of the good grades and preening perfection, more of the ugly, raw passion. Daichi ignites that in him, gets him going and going, climbing up more and more, getting better and better. For his sport and for Daichi, he works hard to become a better person.

They’re good friends.

Sugawara eventually realizes that that isn’t enough for him.

He’s not sure when that happens. When he catches himself watching the muscles of Daichi’s back move as he changes his shirt, maybe. And then also the times in which he leans in, takes a whiff of Daichi’s scent, musky and strong, or maybe when they eat together and he wipes away the rice on his cheek with a thumb, swallowing the sticky bead, to Daichi’s chagrin. Maybe the time when he catches himself a breath away from saying, _I love you—_

It accumulates.

Fear and intense, writhing agony rushes in around him like a cold wave when Daichi and Tanaka meet each other in a receive, the resounding _smack_ and the resulting _stillness_ so completely terrifying. His heart stops in his chest and his breath catches: he stops himself just barely from screaming.

But Daichi is fine. He’s standing and walking and talking and holding his cheek and grimacing with the pain and then grimacing with reluctant humiliation in being told he has to leave. He spits out a tooth and Sugawara is sure he’s the only one to catch the hurt in his eyes, the hurt he masks with the absolutely _winning_ smile and confidence he gives the team, even as he turns to leave.

Sugawara watches his back until he’s gone. That strength doesn’t shatter.

And again, he catches himself pining, fruitlessly so. It’s hopeless, how hard he’s fallen. There’s no chance of it. Sugawara wants to hold Daichi and feel that strength tremble and shudder under his fingertips, wants to be held, wants to indulge in it. He wants Daichi and it claws up his throat from his heart and into his head and suffocates him.

It’s such a far away fantasy and it’s so unlike him to even play with the idea.

The team wins the match without their captain. An incomplete victory. The next match they win as well, but this time it’s with him at their side. The victory is, this time, so completely rewarding. Daichi is where he was meant to be.

Sugawara _feels._ It’s so intense that it’s shocking to really think about, to realize that his head is full of Daichi. Though their bond isn’t as close as he’d like it to be, they have one. _Selfishness,_ he thinks, _is a sin._ What he’s being is selfish. He doesn’t need to be Daichi’s lover.

As a friend, they can be together forever. Love complicates things and makes things messy and it can’t be reciprocated, not when Daichi is thick headed and so very—uninterested. Sugawara doesn’t know if he’s made his feelings clear or not, but the times he doesn’t stop himself from leaning in to smell him— _did you get a new body spray? Be careful, or the VP will scold you—_ and the times he presents himself— _I forgot my hoodie at home. Can I borrow yours?—_ result in a Daichi that is fond and polite but not imposing. _Of course not,_ and _of course you can._

It’s a part of why he loves him.

Sugawara gets a phone call the weekend after their Shiratorizawa match. On the other end is not Daichi but Daichi’s mother, who chatters incessantly about how he’s gone to the dentist, about how he’s not feeling so well, and then finally about how she’s got work and he’d love some company.

That’s right. He’d spit out a tooth.

After some mild panic, Sugawara confirms that Daichi is okay. She finally asks him outright if he can come over to stay with him. _He’s fine_ , though inhibited. _He’s fine, right? He’s fine. He’s just dizzy and not feeling so well._

Sugawara packs a bag to stay overnight and takes the bus.

There’s a key under the plotted plant, as his mother had said there would be. He takes it, draws in his proper sense and reigns in his wildly hammering heart, and goes to unlock the door.

It opens before he can, and there’s Daichi.

“Hey,” Sugawara smiles, surprised. “You’re up?”

“Yeah,” he says, voice forced and scratchy and terribly apologetic. “Sorry to have you come over like this. I told her I’d be fine, but she was really pushy.”

“She’s a mother,” Sugawara laughs, stepping inside when Daichi moves back to let him in. The door closes behind him and he sets his bag down just to toe off his shoes and put on some slippers, pocketing the key. “Of course she’s going to worry. I was a bit worried too. How’s the pain?”

“The swelling is bad,” Ah, there it is. Sugawara catches it. He’s slurring his words a bit, like there’s something stuck under his tongue. “The gum where the tooth was knocked out got a bit infected.”

They head to the kitchen, where Daichi sits down immediately. Sugawara notes the exhaustion in his shoulders. He sets his bag down by the kitchen table and then turns, expectant. “Let me see?”

Daichi seems reluctant, but he opens his mouth.

“It’s red,” Sugawara hums, inspecting. It’s an excuse to get closer to him, so he lingers a little longer than necessary. “Did they get the infection?”

“Yeah,” Daichi says, closing his mouth. As though satisfied, Sugawara straightens up and turns around to rummage through the cupboards. “I think he had some trouble with it, though. Ah—“

Sugawara pauses, a mug and a glass in hand. He turns around at that noise, heart fluttering. Daichi’s brows are drawn together in pain, a hand pressed to his cheek.

“It hurts?” Of course it hurts. He asks it anyway.

“It does,” Daichi admits, smile forced, but the pinch to his expression doesn’t fade. If it were anyone else, Sugawara is sure that he’d flatten that out, put on a brave face. He’s comfortable in exposing this side of himself and oh, that makes his heart soar. He’s happy.

Sugawara smothers the look of joy that he’s sure has encompassed him and turns away, back to fussing with tea. “Did you get medication for it? Your mother mentioned something like that.”

“Yeah. I don’t like taking that stuff, honestly,” he says, sighing. “I got antibiotics, too.”

“Where are they?” Sugawara pauses in setting the kettle. Daichi points out a bag of prescribed medication on the table, and he fishes out two bottles for him. He’s got his head in his hand. That happiness twists into pity. It must hurt quite a lot.

The medication seems a strong type. As it should be.  The name isn’t familiar, and it doesn’t interest him. He takes to scouring for how often the antibiotics need to be taken—twice a day.

“Have you taken any yet?”

“One of the antibiotics,” he says, rising from his slumped position. He seems a little out of focus.

“… and the pain medication?”

Daichi avoids meeting his eyes, seeming guilty. “I haven’t.”

“What?” Sugawara is indignant. “But your mother—“

“I was a bit out of it from what they gave me at the dentist,” he sighs, turning away. “So I thought…” Guilty! Sugawara doesn’t let him evade it so easily.

“You thought? Thought you could just bear through with your teeth getting knocked out? You aren’t serious...” he bites his tongue, raising a hand to give him a light smack on the shoulder. If it weren’t for his pitiful state, maybe he’d give him a proper punch. “Idiot. You’re taking some now. There’s no need to suffer!”

Sugawara snatches up the bag of medication and storms off, taking care of the kettle. “I’m guessing you can’t have hot drinks,” he mutters, making a show of concealing his scorn. Really, he adores this stubborn side of him too. “Do you have oolong tea?”

“In the fridge,” he answers, timid and small. His guiltiness is endearing.

Sugawara pours him a cup and sets down three tablets of the pain medication and then one, of the antibiotics. Daichi stares at them with a dubious expression.

“Isn’t three too much…?” he asks, curious.

“It isn’t! I checked the dosage,” Sugawara gives a confident answer, but he doesn’t turn away just yet. “I want to see you take them.”

Daichi takes them all in one hand and swallows them down with a sip of oolong tea—only to then chug it, forcing Sugawara to remind him not to choke.

“Slow down! Okay. Good. Now maybe you’ll get some relief!”

Sugawara finishes brewing his tea and then tidies; it takes all of five minutes. He herds Daichi from the kitchen to his living room, a comfortable space with a wide floor to ceiling window and rich, chocolate curtains. The flooring is sleek and the TV and DVD system is nice. He puts in a film and, with Daichi, lays across the couch.

“Really, though. You need to learn how to relax,” Sugawara says, thinking of the times in the past he’d visited. They’d all been carefree visits, but he’s been more careful as of late, thinking about all of the things that could spill out, should he get too wrapped up in _Daichi._ His feelings aren’t new, but his realization of them is.

“I know.” Daichi says, waving a hand. It’s a bit of a spastic action, and his words are a bit slurred. Sugawara shrugs it off and snuggles down beside him with a content sigh. Watching movies has always been his favorite excuse to be a bit closer. It’s not weird to share this space like this, a blanket wrapped around the two of their shoulders. It’s not weird at all.

But, as time passes by, the alert Daichi by his side grows sleepier and sleepier, vaguer and vaguer. Sugawara is getting worried, so he sits up properly from the couch and says he’ll be back, that he just needs to use the washroom. Daichi is slow to watch him get up and slow to nod.

He heads to the kitchen and scrambles with the slip of paper inside of the bag of medication.

The drug is a strong one, but it’s not strong enough for any majorly adverse affects. Sugawara opens his phone and gets to googling, because reading through the bad side affects— _nausea, upset stomach, vomiting, numbness of the hands and feet—_ isn’t reassuring at all, and it tells him nothing of use.

He finds out that what he’d given him wasn’t unusual and was off by just a single pill. There’s no chance of overdose. At most, Daichi should be a little sleepy. Sugawara lays a hand against his chest and breathes out in relief, cursing his paranoid self. It would be just his luck to be entrusted with Daichi’s well-being, only to send him to the hospital.

He’s startled by a thud and whips around to face Daichi, who sways in the entry way of the kitchen. Sure he’s been caught, Sugawara wraps up the medication and sets it down, approaching Daichi with a careful hesitance. Dark eyes follow his timid steps.

“What are you up to?” Daichi asks, squinting. _Incoherency,_ a bad side affect. He’s perfectly aware of what’s going on, though he seems a bit slow.

“Hm? I just…” he gestures.

“… are you hungry?” Daichi asks, insisting on playing the host, even as he sways on his feet.

“I’m not,” Sugawara laughs, heading back to the living room, at ease with the fact that Daichi hadn’t realized what he was up to. Daichi follows, but his steps are unbalanced. Sugawara catches on to that, the unsteady sound of it, turning and then—stopping him before he can fall, bracing his hands on his shoulders.

Ah.

“Sorry,” Daichi slurs, face close. His breath is hot and smells like tea. “I’m a bit dizzy…”

“That’s okay,” Sugawara murmurs, leaning in. He could kiss him, couldn’t he? It’s just a bit farther. “You feeling better?”

“It doesn’t hurt.” Daichi dips his head in a nod, bumping their foreheads together. Sugawara starts, expecting him to pull away and apologize.

But he doesn’t. Daichi doesn’t do either of those things. He takes Sugawara completely by surprise and stays where he is, so totally unaware the effects on Sugawara, how the skin to skin contact makes him feel hot, red hot. Cool eyes trail up to meet Daichi’s, warm and pleasantly fond, yet hazy and unseeing.

Sugawara feels unsteady. It’s like his world is on a rotary, the axis turning, turning—

“Am I too close?” Daichi asks, eyebrows twisting up.

He tilts into it.

Daichi’s lips are warm and sweet, tasting of tea. The hallway is flooded with dim evening light and outside the cicadas cry out, their song a mournful, unending hymn. The moment in which they meet is fleeting and bright and he wants it to last forever.

Like the slow set of the sun outside, however, it is due to end.

Sugawara pulls away, wet lips sticking to Daichi’s chapped ones.

Their moment of stillness is gone in an exhale, in hands on his shoulder pushing him away. Daichi isn’t stupid, just drugged, so he flushes beet red in an instant and begins in on his apologies.

Sugawara doesn’t listen to them.

“It’s okay. You’re tired. Let’s get you upstairs so you can rest properly.”

He has to wrap an arm around his middle and has to bodily drag him up the stairs, but up they go. Daichi stops resisting and leans on him heavily, badly unbalanced. Sugawara hadn’t realized it initially, but he’s truly out of it. That thought sends him into a tizzy, but he bites his lip and just hopes it means he won’t remember the kiss, later.

Daichi seems to have blamed himself for the kiss, judging by the awkward hunch to his shoulders, the way he won’t meet Sugawara’s eyes. He doesn’t say anything, not even as Sugawara leads him to his room and sits him down at his desk chair, not even as Sugawara spreads out his blanket good and proper and then flips open the cover, so he can crawl into bed and rest.

Daichi stands, only to topple over. Sugawara flies to catch him, hefting him up from under his armpits.

“I’m sorry—“

“Stop apologizing,” Sugawara huffs with effort, helping him sit on the bed. He might look small in comparison to the densely built Daichi, but he’s strong enough in his own right. “It’s seriously okay.”

Daichi blinks up at him, soft and unsure. “… earlier, that was…”

Sugawara holds his breath. He fusses with the covers of the bed, smoothing them out. As hazy as Daichi might seem, he’s still got his senses about him. The kiss won’t be forgotten. Panic steadily begins to build in Sugawara’s chest.

He keeps a blank face. His carefully constructed mask won’t break.

“… did that make you uncomfortable?”

Sugawara freezes.

“No,” he answers slowly, not daring to turn and confront whatever expression Daichi might be making right now. He’s scared. His heart is beating so fast. He’s scared. “It… didn’t.”

“I’m relieved,” Daichi breathes, slumping over. Head in hands. He’s no better off. “I…” he laughs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while.”

A spindling web of cracks splinters the porcelain surface of his mask.

“This is the worst… I wish I could have been more romantic,” he laughs again, forced. He’s slurring with not just the heaviness of his tongue and leaden weight of his head, but in embarrassment, in hesitation and—

“This is the worst. I’m sorry, Suga. I never—“

Sugawara grabs his wrists and yanks his hands away from his face.

“Don’t apologize,” he breathes, hot. “Don’t, for that.”

He kisses him.

This time it’s deep, all consuming. He steals away Daichi’s breath and replaces it with his own, tongue coming out to wet his lips and taste. He’s sweet and he’s hot, all burning, trembling tentative shyness.

Sugawara stops only when he feels hands on his upper arms, when he catches himself falling into what is Daichi and when he remembers that _oh, yes._ He shouldn’t push into his mouth so far.

He withdraws with a sullen look, but Daichi isn’t looking at him. His face is flushed and he won’t meet Sugawara’s eyes. This side of him is new, so enticingly sweet. The man before him is all of the time confident and sure but here he is now, averting his gaze with a dazed sort of embarrassment. 

“Was that too much? Sorry. I don’t want to hurt your mouth,” Sugawara frets, fussing with the sheets. Daichi still hasn’t laid down.

“It’s fine. I just feel light-headed.” His voice is scratchy, but soft. Vulnerable.

_Oh._

Vulnerable.

It pangs a sensation of— _oh._ He sounds so soft. He feels so warm. Sugawara holds his hands, rubbing soothing circles into his palms.

“Is it me or the drugs?” He asks, voice saccharine sweet.

Daichi screws up his face in confusion and upset. Sugawara can’t restrain his pneumatic titter.

“The medicine.” He clarifies it for him, since he still doesn’t seem to get it. He’s starting to slump.

“Oh. Yeah.” Daichi nods, but he still seems unsure. Sugawara tries meeting his eyes, and gets a hazy stare, one that is now less embarrassed but instead distant. Detached. He’s out of it. “I—I’m sorry. I’m kind of dizzy…”

“Lay down,” he urges him, hands coming to squeeze at his shoulders, forcing him down. Those tense muscles come to relax under his palms, a trembling so minuscule he might not have noticed, if not for the prolonged contact. Daichi lays down for him.

Sugawara delights in the sight of him, his fluttering lashes, his cheeks, darkening to a richly deep red. He’s embarrassed but he’s just as incoherent, and it’s so absolutely _tempting_.

Daichi groans as he relaxes back into his pillow. Sugawara feels heat pool in the pit of his stomach. It’s _tempting_.

Something inside of him slips out of place.

Like the overflow of a cup with too much water in it, he delves deep into that desire. It’s the accumulation of his feelings that send his thoughts and his emotions trampling and rampaging, destroying any good sense in their wake.

Sugawara leans down and kisses his sleepy lips. _Temptation_ , he finds, he is weak to.

Daichi turns his head aside, unhappy. Sugawara chases him and catches his chin, pulling him back around for a few soft presses, just at the corner of his injured mouth.

“Does it hurt?” he pitches his voice low, whispers it into his ear. It’s that huff of breath that makes Daichi recoil and shiver.

“N—no,” his voice cracks.

“Then let me kiss you more,” he murmurs, tongue coming out to wet his lips. He feels hunger stir in his belly. Oh, he wants. He wants to take and tear asunder. He wants to take from Daichi right now. How carnal.

“But we shouldn’t,” Daichi says, blinking at him, unable to understand. He can’t seem to focus on any one thing, eyes darting around the room with a nervous, confused waver to it. It’s like he doesn’t want to look at Sugawara.

“Not your mouth, then,” he coaxes, slim fingers coming to grip his jaw, nails a pinprick of sensation. Daichi gives in to his swarming vision and closes his eyes, shaking his head.

“We can’t… I can’t…”

“Come on, why not? You like me, so why not?” Sugawara kisses his jaw, leaning in properly. His knee comes to sink into the plush of the bed, hovering over Daichi completely. He doesn’t want to meet his eyes and he doesn’t seem to understand what’s going on, but Sugawara stills, in wait of an answer.

“I…”

Daichi doesn’t get it. He’s so cute like this. Oh, how Sugawara loves it. He heaves a fond sigh, stroking the soft skin of his cheek with a thumb.

“Sugawara…”

He should stop.

“If you can tell me why we should stop, then I’ll stop,” Sugawara says, leaning in to kiss him again, a giddy grin surfacing on his face.

“B-because, you…”

“I?”

“I can’t…”

Daichi mumbles and blinks and tosses his head aside, unable to voice his thoughts. He can’t put together a coherent sentence anymore, and that should make Sugawara worry. He tilts his head like he doesn’t understand but wants to know, like Daichi is a child that is limited in speech and language.

He leans in and speaks against his throat, quivering with restrained want. He’s lost his head just as much as Daichi has, but for entirely different reasons.

“Tell me…” he kisses against his pulse point, down. Further. To his collar, where he sucks and licks the skin there. “Tell me you don’t want me.”

“That’s not it,” Daichi’s hands are on his arms, grip weak and fumbling. He’s clinging onto his sweater like a needy child as Sugawara latches onto his neck. “It’s that I— _ah_! Suga—”

His name comes out sounding a whine. Sugawara’s cock twitches in his pants.

More. He wants more. His head is so full of Daichi and here he is, underneath him, whining and panting and absolutely overwhelmed. So _vulnerable._ So _tempting._ So _available._

God, how long has he wanted this?

Sugawara shuts him up with another kiss, stealing away his breath for his own. He breathes Daichi in, fills up his lungs with him, slides his leg between his. Sugawara can’t help himself in placing his hands everywhere he can; he grips his biceps, squeezes his chest, runs his nails down his stomach. He’s so warm. He’s so hot all over.

He parts from the kiss with a gasp, panting for air. His heart is beating wildly, has been for a while, adrenaline and lust making him a disjointed mess. He’s burning up, hot as though with fever. Daichi is the same, panting and dizzy with the lack of air. Sugawara dives in for more and is stopped by a hand in his face.

“Mmf—“

“S-Suga, you need to—“

Sugawara doesn’t even pretend to listen. The boy beneath him is weak limbed and dazed, so it’s easy to grab his wrist and tug it up, over his head. He pins him in place like he’s a doll, slack jawed and so frail, so delicate. Daichi whimpers and tries to evade by squirming away, like that’ll do something. Sugawara grinds their hips together and that—that makes him freeze up.

Sugawara is hard. Daichi is, too.

“Stop—”

He doesn’t stop.

Instead, he pulls at the edge of Daichi’s sweats, pants that are already loose and slide down easily. Sugawara immediately stoops to kiss his thighs up and down, delighting in the tent in his boxers, the wet spot. He’s acting like he doesn’t want it but he’s so hard he’s leaking.

“You’re so pretty,” he breathes, sitting up to run his hands up and down Daichi’s clothed chest, palming him. He’s shivering so violently his nipples stick up, so Sugawara thumbs over them, cock jumping at the whimper it elicits.

He licks his lips, breathing in hard through his nose. Feeling dizzy, he pushes up Daichi’s shirt, letting it ride up under his armpits. He leans in and kisses the hard muscle of his stomach, up to his chest, where he latches on and sucks. It’s so easy to tease him into whining, and it feels so good to finally have his mouth on him. He grazes the nub with his teeth, head spinning as Daichi gasps and grabs onto his shoulders, his shirt, trying to tug him away.

Sugawara barely even registers it.

Where should he place his mouth next? He wants to taste Daichi more, so he stops with the teasing and swallows up his voice, sticking his tongue into his mouth. It’s wet and warm and he tastes so good. He knows, in the back of his mind, that he needs to be careful, but he disregards that and sucks on Daichi’s tongue. The sound of the slick wetness is terribly lewd, piercing into his ears and sending tendrils of heat coiling throughout his body. Daichi moans helplessly beneath him. Oh, _more._ He wants _more._

He goes to palm his cock through his underwear, pulling away to observe what mess he’s made of him thus far. Daichi is panting and flushed, eyes searching the ceiling in attempts to keep from seeing what he’s feeling. Sugawara hums with joy and plays with his cock through the fabric, tapping the tip, wetting his finger.

“You’re so _cute._ ” He says next, absolutely degrading. Daichi turns his head away, and only then does Sugawara notice the tears beading at the corner of his eyes.

He stops.

“Daichi?”

He leans in, voice tinged with worry. It’s more humiliating than it should be, this falsified concern. Sugawara is in too deep to stop now. But those tears make him pause.

“Hey,” he says it with a frown, stopping his hand. He just palms him, more gentle than before. “Is your mouth hurting?”

Daichi shoves his face into his pillow and shakes his head.

“Oh, good,” Sugawara pulls away and gives a vivacious giggle. He tugs at the waistband of Daichi’s underwear, pulling them down around his ankles.

He’s drunk on him, he’s realized. There’s no sense in this. There’s no coherency in either of them anymore. Sugawara yanks his pants and underwear off completely and throws them across the room so he can settle between his legs. He rubs Daichi’s thighs, giving a loving exhale. He kisses up from his knee and then further, up to his navel. He avoids the heavy cock in front of him until Daichi is squirming, and only then does he take him in hand, pumping him once, twice.

“Wow… you’re so wet,” he giggles. “Are you that horny?”

He buries his face in the tuft of hair at his base, breathing in deep. He smells musky and it’s intoxicating.

“W-what are you… doing?”

Daichi tangles his hands in Sugawara’s hair, trying to get him to meet his eyes. He sounds confused, flustered. Does he really still not get it?

“I’m going to make you feel good,” Sugawara breathes, meeting his eye with a smile.

He kisses the wet tip of his cock, precum sticking to his lips in silky strands. He licks it up and kisses him again, sucking up the cum. It tastes bitter and sour but he doesn’t mind, lapping at his silt with a pleased hum. Daichi is writhing, so it’s a bit difficult, but he does his best to pleasure him. He flattens his tongue against his head and then places his mouth around him, sucking lewdly.

Daichi stiffens and cries out.

Sugawara feels himself twitch, pants uncomfortably tight. He fondles Daichi’s sack and jerks what he can’t fit into his mouth leisurely, drooling around his cock. He tastes impossibly delicious. Even better are the noises he’s making, sounding wanton and obscene.

It’s just a few bobs of Sugawara’s head, and he’s coming.

He swallows it down without protest, throat working around the thick cock in his mouth with a hum. Daichi is too weak to do much more than tremble in the aftermath of it, slumping against his pillow with a defeated moan. Sugawara sucks him well beyond his comfort, lapping up every last drop of it.

It’s only when Daichi has begun to fidget in discomfort that he releases his softening cock, sitting up and giving him a kiss. This time it’s chaste, just a press of wet lips to the corner of his mouth. He gets no thanks for it, Daichi tossing his head aside with a whimper of discontent. Sugawara heaves a nearly dreamy sigh.

It’s fun to have Daichi squirm underneath him like this, fun to lap him up and taste, but he’s still so _hungry_. He doesn’t really realize what for until he sits up and Daichi shifts his leg and brushes against him, sending a jolt of sensation up his spine.

“Oh,” he murmurs aloud, breathing picking up. “Daichi, do you have lube?”

“Eh— huh?”

Daichi is completely out of it, judging by the dazed stare he’s being given. The question makes no sense to him.

“Of course you don’t,” Sugawara presses a firm kiss to his forehead, climbing off of the bed. Daichi weakly curls up, trying to hide his nakedness. That doesn’t matter to Sugawara. He’s looking for lotion, and he finds it quickly, some sat on the top of his wardrobe.

Daichi has just begun to gather himself back together when Sugawara crawls back on top of him—he gives a look of wide-eyed nervousness, sluggishly watching him. Their eyes meet, Daichi’s full of confusion and fear, Sugawara’s of mirth.

“Su…. Suga…. What’s… I don’t get what you’re…”

“Shh.” He hushes him, pressing a finger to his lips. It’s a simple touch but he manages to make it something else—he thumbs his lower lip, considering him. Daichi keeps his eyes on him, like if he looks away, he’ll lose his good sense. The amount of focus he’s pouring into it is cute. Sugawara tilts his head.

His other hand snakes down between Daichi’s legs, those which he forcefully spreads. It’s not like it’s hard; all he does is give one shaking knee a little shove, and he falls apart. Sugawara leans in and kisses Daichi’s neck, soft, fluttering touches that he makes seem so pleasant and gentle. It’s a contradiction, the fingers probing at his asshole seeming so cruel and harsh. He pauses and squirts lotion into his palm, going and slicking his taint.

Daichi lurches like he’s been shocked, the cold and the sensation of fingers touching him _there_ unsettling him. He makes a strangled whine that Sugawara muffles with a kiss, fingers circling his hole. He’s so warm. The lotion melts and becomes warm and sticky, and so Sugawara sinks a finger inside of him.

The ring of muscle is tight, but he works at it until it just isn’t, until Daichi is hiccuping with his tears and thrashing weakly in protest of it. It’s clearly tiring him out, so Sugawara uses his free hand to pin his shoulder down.

“Don’t force yourself,” he insists, scolding. “Just relax. If you keep tensing up like that, it’ll hurt. You can really be stubborn; you know?”

And whether Daichi wants to or not, he relaxes. The drugs work in muddling his mind and softening his body; it’s easy to pry him open and push inside, working him into a lather. Sugawara wants to shove his cock inside of him and fuck him until he’s screaming himself raw, but he’s so vulnerable and soft like this that he can’t commit himself to something so cruel.

Patience, Sugawara thinks, is a virtue.

Later, he’ll laugh at himself for the juxtaposition, but right now he’s full of nothing but contradictions. The tightness of his insides are tempting, and he wants so badly to sink into it, to become one with him right here and right now, but he fucks him with his fingers instead.

For as long as he can manage.

Watching and listening to Daichi drives him wild. He becomes suddenly frantic, pulling his pants down and taking himself out of his boxers, giving himself a few quick, wild strokes. He doesn’t need to fumble with the lotion; his precum is enough. He takes Daichi under his knees and spreads him open, taking a second to enjoy the view. His hole is pink and puckered, shining with the wet of the lotion. His cock is hard again, standing proud against his belly. And his expression…

He looks exquisitely anguished.

Sugawara can’t take it anymore. He hefts Daichi up, lifting his hips and his legs, and tries to position himself. He’s as pliant and soft as ever and now it is a curse instead of a blessing, because he won’t hold his own legs up. Sugawara gets his leg over his shoulder and finds an awkward balance, like that, enough that he can use his free hand to line his cock up with his hole.

“S-stop, Suga—“

He forces his way in.

“So _tight_ ,” he hisses, breathing in through his teeth. It’s a hot, constrictive pleasure, and it’s good, _so good._ Daichi is pleading with him, but he can’t hear it over his own thunderous heartbeat, absolutely deafening. He gets halfway in and withdraws, groaning. He gives into instinct, forgets patience, and slams himself all the way inside.

Daichi _screams_ and he positively _throbs._ One harsh thrust gives way to another, the rhythm wild but so gratifying, the tight tight tight heat of pleasure and the cute cute cute noises coming from the boy below him all melting and mixing up his head. He can’t tell up from down: it’s like he’s drowning in Daichi, in the sensation of his body, in the smell of his sweat and the heat of his body.

It’s so good. He wants it to last forever.

But Sugawara is pent up and his arousal winds and coils and he comes quickly, shooting off inside of Daichi with an offbeat thrust that goes so deep it makes both of them wail. He holds himself there, grinding against Daichi for just a moment, before pulling out. Come leaks from his ass and he whimpers and shudders, his cock now limp against his belly.

This isn’t nearly enough. Sugawara has satisfied his own pressing need, but he wants to consume all of Daichi, to see him to the point of breaking. A quick blowjob, a quick fuck—neither is enough.

He squirts lotion into his palm and returns to fingering his ass. Daichi is just mumbling now, eyes shut tightly closed and head turned away. His expression is the picture of agony, and it’s not really what Sugawara has a taste for, right now. It’s like being fed something savory when what he really wants is something sweet.

He curls his finger inside of Daichi and slows the ministrations to a snail’s pace, dragging the pad of his middle and index finger along his insides. He’s wet from the mixture of cum and lotion and so it doesn’t seem to hurt, but he doesn’t seem to like it, either.

Not until Sugawara’s fingers drag across something that makes him jerk and cry out.

He felt it— the indent a bump or a ridge, a dip that Sugawara now desperately tries to find again. There—he reaches it with ease, and gets the exact same reaction out of Daichi. His heart rate is kicking up again.

“Here… here is good, right? It feels good here?”

Daichi doesn’t answer him. He’s got tears streaming down his face, is making these noises that are like music, harmonious and pure. The sound alone gets Sugawara hard again.

He plays with his prostate until he’s well and truly sobbing, his cock leaking against his belly, untouched and yet rock hard. It’s as pleasurable to watch as it is fascinating. He wants to push him further—so he gets a little mean, curling up into that spot and fucking him hard with his fingers. Daichi’s cock jumps and he wails and then he comes, thick spurts of it, an orgasm that seems blinding.

Sugawara eases off as he comes down from it, giggling drunkenly. “Wow. I’d heard that that spot really felt good for guys, but… I didn’t even touch you. How slutty.”

Daichi is crying. It makes something twinge inside of Sugawara, so he leans in and lays sweet, tender kisses along his jaw, using his clean hand to wipe away his tears. “Don’t cry,” he coos, heart full of pity. “Daichi, Daichi. Don’t cry.”

He soothes away his piteous sobbing until it stops, just a hiccup in the record player. He allows him to come down from his overwhelming high of pleasure and then sinks his fingers back inside of him, launching him into a panic. He hits Sugawara’s shoulders with weak limbs.

He finds that spot again and forces him to hardness with his fingers and his mouth, latching onto his neck and sucking bruises into the tender skin under his jaw. So cute is his moaning that Sugawara truly can’t stop himself. He waits until Daichi is hard again and then lines himself up with his abused hole, circling his head around his entrance.

When he forces himself inside this time, he’s sure to be gentle. He isn’t so consumed with desire anymore, head a little clearer after his first orgasm. Though he’s been playing with Daichi for a while now, he’s still just as tight as before. He bites his lower lip as he pushes inside, restraining a groan—focusing entirely on listening to Daichi’s outcry of exasperated discontent.

Sugawara sinks in all the way, and slides out slowly, enjoying the drag, the slow friction. This kind of laborious pleasure is entirely different: he gives himself time to breathe, gives himself time to test Daichi’s limits. Balls deep feels best, but the halfway point is where his moans give way to pained, panted whining. So he goes slow. So slow it’s like his cock is melting. So slow he thinks he’s going to go crazy. He gets Daichi comfortable with more than halfway, and then pulls out completely and grabs him by the shoulders and flips him onto his stomach.

It takes Daichi by surprise—but he is as sluggish as ever, and any words of protest fall on deaf ears. Sugawara slides back into him, a feat now easy, his hole loose and wet. He leans back on his calves and uses his strength to pull Daichi against his chest, wrapping his arms around him to keep him from falling forward and onto his face. Like this, he can slide in deeper than before.

The tightness around him is so wholly satisfying, and he takes a second to bask in it before he drags out, and then slams back inside. Daichi cries and flails, hands scrabbling behind him to gain purchase on something, but there’s nothing for him there—so he grabs Sugawara’s arms where they’re wrapped around his front.

Sugawara props his chin on Daichi’s shoulder, adoring the view this position gives him. Daichi’s cock is so hard he’s pulsing precum, and oh— _oh._ He likes this. He really likes this. He’s tensing and squeezing around his cock. He thought he'd give him a second to breathe, but Sugawara can’t take it, can’t take it knowing that Daichi is _liking_ this.

He doesn’t bother with _slow_ anymore, fucking him good and hard, bouncing him on his dick. Sugawara listens to him beg and then wraps a hand around his neglected dick, jerking him off while he fucks his ass. It’s not long before he loses all semblance of rhythm—and then Daichi is shooting off, squeezing around his cock, milking his orgasm out from him. Sugawara comes and heaves a low groan into the back of Daichi’s neck.

They slump over together, Sugawara’s arms shaking from the effort of holding him up for so long. A few long minutes pass, their panted breaths intermingling as they both come down from their high. Daichi seems close to passing out, so Sugawara pulls out, grimacing at the wet _squelch._

He flips him over so he can kiss him. It’s a simple thing, no overbearing lust in it, just a press of the lips. Daichi is exhausted and can’t focus his gaze on anything anymore, so the look he’s given as he withdraws is a blank one.

Sugawara titters.

He stands from the bed, wobbling somewhat. He tucks himself into his pants—gross! And then wanders into the bathroom, wetting a washcloth and grabbing a clean towel.

He returns to the bedroom to find Daichi curled into a ball.

Oh.

Something splinters and breaks.

It’s hard to do it, but he rolls Daichi over and cleans him up. His hands are shaking, he thinks—he can’t tell. It’s a blur. He gets the bed clean and the sheets exchanged and Daichi clean and then tucks him in. His head hits the pillow and he watches Sugawara fret and tidy with wide, wet eyes. When he finally closes his eyes and falls asleep, it’s because he can’t fight it any longer.

 _A nightmare_ , Sugawara thinks. He can convince Daichi it was just a nightmare.

He picks up the pieces of his mask with a trembling certainty that no—this, he cannot repair.


End file.
